Grief is a really weird thing. It doesn’t always make sense. It doesn’t follow the rules. It never asks for permission to invade. It shows up in the strangest times and the weirdest ways.

I am currently reading and studying the early days of David, the shepherd from Bethlehem, and his rise to become the king of Israel. I was particularly struck by the message in 2 Samuel 1, which offers one of the most unexpected responses to loss found in the Bible. David, a warrior and the future king, is devastated upon hearing of the deaths of Saul and Jonathan. He breaks down, weeps, and experiences deep pain.

David’s heart is laid bare, revealing the intense and genuine emotion of grief. What’s surprising is that Saul was his enemy; he had hunted David, slandered him, and even attempted to kill him for over a decade. Yet, in Saul’s death, David weeps, tears his clothes, and mourns deeply.

This is the mystery of grief—it doesn’t always make sense. At all.

Sometimes, we grieve what we've lost. This grieving can happen immediately, or it may come later. One of the more difficult aspects of grief happens when we mourn not just those who have died but also those who are still alive but have become absent, changed, distant, or no longer the person they once were. I believe that David mourned for Saul and Jonathan even while they were still alive, before they drew final breaths on earth. He missed the connection they once shared, which often serves as a starting point for grief.

Grief doesn’t always follow death. Sometimes it follows distance. We can mourn people who are still alive because relationships change, people can drift apart, and connections break. It is possible to grieve the living, the ones we loved, lost, or had to let go, even though they’re still breathing. This emotion spiritually suffocates more people than you could ever imagine.

Why grief? David grieved Saul! And it’s strange. Yet it’s in this passage that I think we have a connection point of why we grieve: His grief was not because Saul was perfect, but because David had loved him, cared for him, honored him, and hoped for something different. That’s the strange thing about grief — it touches places in the soul we didn’t even know existed.

David didn’t hide his tears or try to explain them away. Grief is not a sign of weakness; it is a human and sacred emotion. It is a God-given feeling that reveals what truly matters to us, and it shows the price we must pay for the people we deeply love.

Grief is complicated. It is a genuine emotion that everyone experiences at some point in life. You may be grieving someone who has passed away or someone who is still alive but no longer present in your life. Regardless of the situation, your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in your experience. In our grief, God stands with us. He doesn’t rush us through the process or shame us for feeling this way. He shares in our sorrow, just as He did with Martha and Mary at the tomb of their brother, comforting them in their time of loss.

Here are a few ways to carry grief effectively, even when it feels overwhelming:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Instead of minimizing or ignoring your grief, confront it head-on. Like David, express your feelings out loud and be honest about what you’re experiencing. By doing so, you begin to unlock the path toward healing.

2. Don’t Grieve Alone: While community may not eliminate your pain, it can help you bear it. Seek out a group that truly cares about you and allow them to join you on this journey. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else recognizes your tears can be a source of healing.

3. Look for Signs of Joy: Although it can break your heart and affect your happiness, it does not have to take away your joy. Allow yourself to laugh, breathe, and hope again.

4. Invite God into Your Grief: Seek God’s presence rather than just answers. Remember that He is near to the brokenhearted.

If you’re grieving today, find comfort in this: even David, a giant killer, a future king, and someone chosen by God, wept bitterly over a man who once tried to destroy him. Grief is strange, but it's sacred. You are not unusual for experiencing it. Even amidst confusion and heartbreak, remember that God is close to the brokenhearted.