What in your opinion would be an awesome place for a vacation getaway with your most significant other?
Once upon a time (yesterday, in fact) I visited a local organization to conduct business for another organization. While there I had an enjoyable conversation with two long-standing friends.
A story that emerged from our visit concerned a gentleman who had been married several years. After his wife died, he lived “in sin” with a woman for around a decade. He and this lady were on vacation to Florida.
During the course of their journey they became involved in a heated argument. The man pulled to the side of the interstate and ordered the lady out of the vehicle. He tossed her luggage beside her and drove off, leaving her stranded on the side of the interstate as he continued on his merry way to a solitary vacation.
Neither of them ever saw the other again.
Interesting, I thought. That woman I married has been wanting to go on a trip. When I got home I asked her, “How would you like to take a trip to Florida?”
Needless to say, after I told her “the rest of the story”, she declined my offer.
I don’t know anything about the woman who was stranded, but the woman I married is just a little bit crafty. I just know that had it been her that I intended to desert, she would somehow have turned the table on me.
I probably would have been the one stranded.
She would probably have run me down like a stray dog on the roadside as she sped away. I probably would have died a slow, agonizing death after plummeting down a curbside cliff, spending my last few hours of life fighting the vultures fighting for my flesh as my life ebbed away. My carnivore-ravaged skeleton would have been the only evidence remaining to be discovered several years after she had me legally declared dead. The remainder of her life would have been comfortably lived with my retirement and estate proceeds. Her own demise would undoubtedly be from natural causes, probably a peaceful death in her sleep, long before the discovery of my remains could point a murderous finger toward her prosecution.
Lucky for me I’m such a wonderful, loving husband!
Since Adam and Eve’s fall in the Garden of Eden, there has seemingly been a gulf fixed between the genders. I am reminded of another story of a good friend who was once around a colleague who was heavily inebriated. In his drunken state he began making advances toward my friend. She tried to put him off as tactfully as possible, but he persisted. Eventually, even his drink-clouded brain deduced that he was getting nowhere. He cursed my friend, “---- you and the horse you rode in on.”
With the sweetest sarcasm, my friend replied, “How kind of you to think of my horse!”
Perhaps the woman who was stranded on the side of the interstate would have fared better had she been traveling to vacation with her companion on a horse of her own, preferably a horse of a different color than his.
And there are always those couples who seem to drift apart with time. My mother used to tell of a man who said, “When I married my wife, I loved her so much I could just eat her up! After I’d been married to her for a while, I wished I had!”
A friend of mine once said, “Both my wives have been great disappointments to me. The first one left me, and the second one won’t!”
A gentleman was sitting in his recliner at the end of a hard day of work. He heard his wife say from the kitchen, “So what do you want for supper, savory beef, mouthwatering salmon or luscious chicken?” Hubby replied, “I’ll have the mouthwatering salmon.”
“I was talking to the cat,” the wife said.
Remember, Dear Reader, during the storms of life, humor is the best medicine. Sometimes, it’s the only medicine.

Answer to Question of the Week # 73
What do you call a hippie’s wife? (ANSWER: Missis Hippi)

Question of the Week # 74
What kind of books take the longest to read? (See next week’s article in historicunioncounty.com for the answer.)

Internet Humor

SON - Dad, do all fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time”?
FATHER - No, son. Some begin with “If I get elected.”
Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.