Church Humor

Ronnie Mincey

Mincey’s Musings
Year Two, Week Eighteen

One has to be careful when typing or texting, especially when texting. Sometimes the auto-correct on Facebook can get a person in trouble, like the preacher who once texted me that he was sitting on his deck; unfortunately, auto-correct changed the vowel in the word “deck”. The message that came to me, though totally unintended, was hilarious, and provided my soon-to-be-deceased stepson one of his last moments of hilarity. I never told the preacher of his mishap.

I noticed a few days ago a reference to “Gravestone” Church. I think this was an unintended misspelling of the church name, yet it started my mind to thinking about puns to do with church.

If some churches existed literally as their names intended, a person might have misgivings about attending “Stinking Creek”. Perhaps friendlier to the sinuses and nostrils but foreboding to faith might be “Little Hope”, “Lost Hope” or “Last Hope”. Even so, these might be preferable to visiting a church named “Gravestone”. There visitors might expect to receive a cold reception. It might even be a “dead” church.

A former co-worker told me he attended a church named “Dry Valley”. This reminded me of a joke Pastor Oliver Wolfenbarger once told from the pulpit. There was a preacher in an old Baptist church who wrote out his sermon. It was summer, and the windows were open. A gust of wind came through and blew the preacher’s sermon through the window and into the cow pasture. The cow ate the sermon and found the sermon so dry that she also “went [completely] dry” and never gave milk again.

Sometimes churches of different denominations located close to each other can become rivals. There was a Baptist church on one side of the road that sang “Will There be Any Stars in My Crown?” The Methodists across the road chose for their next hymn “No Not One”.

Church bulletins can also be great sources of humor. I have attended church for several years with a wonderful couple named Duane and Amy Idol. The bulletin once announced an event and requested that more information could be obtained from “Duane or Any Idol”. The bulletin also announced that the church would be recognizing the high school and “collage” graduates. Not to worry, I recently saw a picture that showed a vehicle with “Colege Graduate” on the back windshield.

It was once said that a church choir sang the hymn “One Day”; one old sister said it sure did take them all day to sing it, just like it took them forever to sing “Rock of Ages”. I close for this week with two stories:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!”
With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’” (2019) Retrieved from http://jokes4all.net/hymn-jokes

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.
One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love to Tell the Story.'
The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'
When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus.' (2019) Retrieved from http://jokes4all.net/hymn-jokes

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Articles

David McCollough Celebrates 30 Years

David McCollough, State Farm Agent

In June 2019, David McCollough celebrated thirty years in the insurance industry. David is a State Farm Agent in Maynardville, Tennessee. He grew up in South Alabama with hardworking parents who taught him the importance of working to achieve your goals. David graduated from Troy University with a Bachelor’s of Science Degree. He has three children who live close by in beautiful East Tennessee; Jake, Abby, and John David.

George Jones Tribute Concert

This Saturday, June 15, clear your calendar and take a beautiful drive into Sharps Chapel for an evening of music and festivities at the George Jones Tribute Concert. The fun filled, family event will be held at the Sharps Chapel Community Park from 6:00 – 9:00pm with festival seating, so don’t forget to bring your lawn chair!

One of My Stunts

It seemed like any other Sunday afternoon. That was until Sara and I hopped out of the car.

Down the back driveway, my stepfather Dick came barreling toward us in his truck. He and my mom lived behind us on top of the hill. I realized he had been watching and waiting for us to arrive back home from chirper choir. That told me something had happened.

The first thing I noticed was that my mom wasn’t with him. Fear and uncertainty slowly crept up my spine. Had something happened her? And if so, why wasn’t Dick with her?

Author Denise Sherriff Writes to Inspire

Author Denise Sherriff has released her first book, Kairos Moments, a compiled work featuring personal words of encouragement. Sherriff says the book is a result of combining stories from her journals filled with knowledge, wisdom and observations that include both the highs and lows of life; not just her own, but the affects of opportunities, choices, tragedy and joy in the lives of others.

Conservative Treatment Options Supported By Research

Treatment for back pain has come a long way. It was once believed that taking pain medication and getting some rest were the best course of treatment for a bout of low-back pain, but nowadays research supports first trying drug-free, conservative options for pain management while remaining as active as possible during recuperation.

You Big Dummy!

Ronnie Mincey

Mincey’s Musings
Year One, Week Twenty-One

With fondness and joy I watch certain episodes of one of my favorite childhood situation comedies (aka “sit coms”) Sanford and Son. Fred Sanford knew better than most—there are dummies, if not under your own roof, out there somewhere!

The Deer Head

When my oldest son, Rick, was of Cub Scout age, I became a Den Mother. It was a fun time for me. Those boys were a joy to work with. I delighted in coming up with new skills for them to try. Making kites was one of them.

Putting together store bought kite kits would have been too easy. I gave each boy a double page of newspaper, two sticks my husband had cut out on the table saw and some homemade glue. Rags would make a tail in the next week's session.

Tick Bites: Beware More than Ever

I like to write articles that are upbeat and positive, but this one is a total bummer. As a forester and lover of the outdoors, I’m in the woods way more than the average citizen, and over the decades have had my share of ticks. But this past year is beyond anything I’ve experienced before, finding them on me every month, including the dead of winter. Some were so small that I would miss them and let them get embedded, which is particularly worrisome with all the tick-borne diseases out there now. So this time I’m writing words of warning.

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Animals of Cades Cove

Bear near John Oliver cabin

Some years ago, we made our first trip to Cades Cove. We have made many trips since, and have seen the valley in every season. Cades Cove is the most visited site in the Smoky Mountains National Park. You can tell by the number of cars on the one-way lane in the middle of the day. Even so, it’s well worth visiting.

Fathers' Day at the Hive

Beatrice the bee's family tree

Beatrice the bee's family tree

So here we are in June. Fathers’ Day is upon us. Notice that I specify the holiday with the plural form of “father”. I believe that this is a day for all fathers, not just one. I’m a father. I have two kids. Their relationship to me is pretty clear. I’m their dad. My wife is their mom. Straightforward. This is not so much the case with honey bees.

Events

Luttrell neighborhood watch

Tuesday, June 18, 2019 - 19:00
Luttrell neighbourhood watch

Luttrell neighbourhood watch meeting every 3rd Tuesday at 7:00pm It takes place in the community building behind the library with speakers each month this can be a great tool for our community to assist one another in brotherly love by watching out for each other. If you need more information contact Jim Bailey at 865-809-4472

Thank you so much
Union County Sheriff's Office
130 veteran’s street suite B Maynardville Tennessee 37807
Phone 865-992-5212
Fax 865-992-2349

Union County Board Of Education

Thursday, June 20, 2019 - 18:00
UNION COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION

The next regular workshop and meeting of the Union County Board of Education will be held on Thursday, June 20, 2019 at 6:00 p.m. at Union County High School. The workshop will begin at 6:00 p.m. with the meeting immediately to follow.

REGULAR WORKSHOP UNION COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION THURSDAY, JUNE 20, 2019 6:00 p.m. Union County High School

Agenda

Wine and Wreaths

Thursday, June 20, 2019 - 18:00

Thursdays just got so much better!
Join us at The Winery every Thursday for
amazing drink specials and exciting activities.

In June, join us for a fun Wine and Wreaths event.
During this class, get ready for 4th of July by crafting a wreath while enjoying a glass of wine. Various ribbons are available so you can make the wreath your own. The class is only
$25 and includes all the materials needed as well as the glass of wine. Tickets must be purchased in advance by calling The Winery at (865)745-2902.

Area Worship Leaders, Pastors, and Faith community leaders

Thursday, June 27, 2019 - 07:30
Area Worship Leaders, Pastors, and Faith community leaders

"We invite all area Worship Leaders, Pastors, and Faith community leaders to come together on the last Thursday of each month at Hardee's at 7:30 am. This is to be a time of fellowship, prayer, and discussion about how we as a community of Faith can work together to have a positive impact on our county. All are welcome!" For more information please contact Kathy Chesney at 865-566-3289.

Obituary

Charles Edward Green

Charles Green – He often said, “Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.” And on June 15, 2019, Charles Edward Green, loving husband and father of two children, went to Heaven at the age of 70 in Maynardville. Charlie was born on January 15, 1949 in Kingsport, Tennessee to Roy and Willnette Green. In 1970 his son, Johnathon Edward was born. He married Kimberly (Kim) Jones 31 years ago and raised one son together, Samuel Roy. Charlie had many passions including motorcycles, 60’s & 70’s R&B music and hamburgers.

Donna Jo (Chesney) Rogers

Donna Jo (Chesney) Rogers-age 74 of Sharps Chapel passed away Saturday, June 15, 2019 at Claiborne Medical Center. She was preceded in death by husband, Marsillus Isaac (Skeeter) Rogers.

Survivors: son, Joe Rogers, daughter, Angela Buege; granddaughter, Kelly Buege; instant granddaughter, Jennifer Housewright.

Arrangements for a memorial service are pending at this time. Cooke-Campbell Mortuary, Maynardville in charge.

David Wayne Tolliver

David Wayne Tolliver-age 72 of Sharps Chapel went to be with the Lord, Friday afternoon, June 14, 2019 at his home with his wife and family at his side. He was a member and Deacon of Leatherwood Baptist Church. Retired employee of Union County Highway Department and also had a love of farming, hunting and fishing. Preceded in death by parents, Andrew and Lillie Tolliver; parents-in-law, Bob and Ethel Buchanan; sister-in-law, Shirley Tolliver.

Tyler Wayne Atkins

Tyler Wayne Atkins-age 24 of Luttrell passed away Friday, June 14, 2019. He was preceded in death by mother, Misty Dawn (Nankervis) Atkins; brother, Matthew Atkins; grandfather, Jerry Nankervis; special grandmother, Bonnie DeVault.

Survivors: father, Chris Atkins; sister, Gracie Nankervis; grandparents, Gary and Phyllis Atkins; grandmother, Connie Condry; papaw, Jimmy DeVault; uncles, Jimmy (Julie) DeVault, Jr., Shawn and Shea Condry, Jerry and Cory Nankervis. Several cousins and other family members.

Audy B. Keck

Audy B. Keck-age 72 of Sharps Chapel went home to be with the Lord after a long battle with cancer Thursday evening, June 13, 2019 at his home. Audy had a testimony of faith in the Lord, Jesus and was of the Baptist belief. He was a member of the Union County Rescue Squad. Preceded in death by parents, Warmer and Linda Keck; brothers, W. T., Joe, Jimmy and Harley Keck; sister-in-law, Nancy Keck; brothers-in-law, J. B. Stansberry and Jim Hayes.

Dorothy "Dot" Knott

Dorothy “Dot” Knott began her new journey June 13, 2019 with family at her side; Leaving behind daughters, Virginia Smothers (Mark), Deborah Hill, Lisa Gerard (Jeremy), step-daughter Donna Fisher, treasured grandkids and great-grandkids, as well as, her beloved Rocky Hill Baptist Church family and many other special friends. Family will receive friends 5:00-7:00pm Monday, June 17, 2019, at Rocky Hill Baptist Church with service to follow at 7:00pm, Dr. Scott Whaley officiating. Family and friends will meet 10:45am Tuesday, June 18, 2019, at Rocky Hill Cemetery for an 11:00am interment.

Erwin Lynn Berry

Erwin Lynn Berry – age 64 of Sharps Chapel, went home to be with the Lord on Sunday, June 9, 2019. He was a member and deacon of Oak Grove Primitive Baptist Church. Erwin was an employee of Pilot Corporation for 38 years.

Eva Jean Lawson

Eva Jean Lawson – 59, born August 18, 1959 to Cecil and Thelma “Judy” Branham in Welch, West Virginia, passed away June 11, 2019 after a courageous battle with cancer. She married the love of her life, Roy E. Lawson in Monroe, Michigan on June 22, 1984. She was a nuclear security officer at Fermi II plant for 23 years and also a security officer at Monroe High School for 8 years.

Paul L. Llewellyn Obituary

Paul L. Llewellyn, age 74, of Knoxville, passed away on June 9, 2019.
Paul will be remembered as a loving and devoted husband. He was a Harley Davidson enthusiast and member of the Blue Hawks. He also loved animals, especially his dog Lucy.
Preceded in death by mother and father Addie and Tate Llewellyn; 3 sisters and 4 brothers.

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